(I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You)
by The-Napoleon-Of-Crime
Summary: "I assure you darling there is really no need to introduce me to my ex-husband." During a charity event hosted by Admetus Macavity Griddlebone is begrudgingly reunited with the Terror of the Thames, fifteen years after he faked his own death. (Human AU.)


AN/

Human AU! Bad language to follow because everyone is losing their patience. Basically they're all successful theatre types, except for Growltiger.

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The event had been scheduled in the name of some charity Griddlebone had forgotten the name of, she was sure Macavity had picked it because it was associated with dying children or something equally as harrowing but to his credit it had worked in his favour. Admetus had told her he'd sent out two hundred invitations and nearly every person had confirmed their attendance, it wasn't often they were invited into the abode of the Hidden Paw himself so aside from raising money for charity Griddlebone assumed most people just wanted to snoop.

All drinks at the bar went to the charity in question, Griddlebone was yet to purchase one as Macavity still had waiters moving around the room with free champagne and wine. Only the weak had succumbed to buying gin and beers from the bar, too afraid of what their rich peers would say if they weren't seen to be making an effort. Some kind of raffle was going on later with some expensive products, along with the opportunity to make a donation to the charity at any point during the night. Admetus, or rather someone he'd passed the job along to, had hired a wonderful band who for the last twenty minutes had been playing nothing but upbeat jazz.

If Macavity had managed to make it downstairs Griddlebone was sure he'd have hated it.

The party had started at eight, Griddlebone read her IPhone screen and the clock now read nine twenty. Admetus hadn't made an appearance at his own event for over an hour. He was upstairs, she knew that because she'd seen him before the start of the event but he'd only been finishing up some notes. It wasn't as though he hadn't had the entire day to prepare.

Griddlebone tucked her phone back into her black clutch purse and took another sip of wine. She realised upon focusing back on her surroundings that she hadn't moved away from the group she'd been standing with yet, the people around her had no doubt moved on to an entirely new topic of conversation so she chuckled and offered a small nod in agreement with whatever the man in the grey suit to her left had said. He could have been talking about murdering orphans for all she knew.

As a woman on the opposite side of their little circle began to talk, she had some connection to the RSC and had mentioned Othello once or twice earlier, Griddlebone politely excused herself and swept off in the opposite direction. She needed to find Macavity, there was only so much she could take when it came to socialising with London's theatrical elite. She hated theatre politics, had stopped performing five years ago because of it. Her heels clacked against the floor as she moved and Griddlebone had to fight the urge to fix her hair, she doubted it had moved at all but she wanted to be seen doing something. All the theatre types around her had hawk eyes, if she looked lost or lonely one would saunter over and attempt to make small talk.

Griddlebone was almost to freedom. She was heading towards the hallway that would lead up the stairs and take her into the depths of Macavity's lair, he would offer her a whisky and it would break up nicely from the glasses of Rioja she'd been drinking all evening. Her head buzzed pleasantly as she walked, not quite drunk but one or two more glasses would essentially cut out any polite conversation skills she currently held.

She was so close, a waiter disappeared through the door into the safety of the hallway and she was just about to follow him when a tall woman stepped in front of her. Bombalurina wasn't much taller than her usually, but with the addition of heels Griddlebone had to incline her chin upwards slightly to offer the redhead a forced smile.

"Bombalurina, d _arling_." Griddlebone muttered, her eyes betraying her intense hatred of the woman.

"You look absolutely wonderful, I just had to come over and say hello."

Griddlebone knew the actual reason Bombalurina had come over and it was satisfying enough to keep her cordial. Admetus' team were currently casting for Hamlet, they'd had two days of auditions the previous week and Griddlebone was sure Bombalurina was interested in getting involved. Macavity hadn't directed anything in just over two years so his comeback production was scheduled to be something of a spectacle, whether they admitted it or know most serious actors knew how important it was to be linked back to Admetus at some point.

Griddlebone smiled again, this time without as much patience. "Thank you, as do you."

In truth Bombalurina always looked wonderful, Griddlebone had no problem admitting it. The redhead was tall, slim, had a stunning face and looked good in everything she wore. Bombalurina was even a talented performer, really there was little opportunity to find fault but Griddlebone had still managed to do it. Bombalurina was narcissistic, condescending, and selfish. Griddlebone was all these things too but she did it with a certain amount of class, Bombalurina just waded in and acted how she liked. There was no real thought behind it, no amount of consideration.

"Will Mac be joining us or did he miss his own invitation?" Griddlebone quirked an eyebrow at the question, surprised that Bombalurina would ask such a thing.

Griddlebone did a subtle search for any of Bombalurina's usual group, unfortunately no one of importance caught her eye but Griddlebone decided she would bare it in mind to keep a look out. Bombalurina was one of a select few Griddlebone would have considered to be the last people in attendance at Macavity's event. Not two months before Demeter, Bombalurina's best friend, had called off her engagement to the host himself. Now there was rumours she was seeing a playwright, Munkustrap something but it seemed quite a step down in Griddlebone's opinion.

Still, Demeter was a smart girl to have gotten out while she could. Griddlebone liked to think herself cruel at the best of times but she would never wish a life with Admetus on anyone, not even someone as self-centred and deserving as Bombalurina.

"He's entertaining upstairs, I'm afraid. Bad timing but you know this industry, it's a constant. I'm sure he will show his face before long."

Griddlebone had no reason to save Macavity's name but she also had no reason to spare Demeter's feelings, on the off chance Bombalurina took the information back to Demeter Griddlebone wanted her to think Macavity had fully moved on. He hadn't, of course, but nobody ever really admitted that.

"Oh that's alright, everyone here knows how busy he is." For a moment Griddlebone wondered if Bombalurina's pause would lead to Hamlet talk, but for once she was wrong.

Instead, Bombalurina continued on an entirely different path. "Well, since he isn't here to keep you company, I must introduce you to a few people! Come with me."

Griddlebone bristled at the sly dig but before she could come back with a remark Bombalurina had strode away, expecting she would follow. Griddlebone briefly considering abandoning the redhead in favour of going up to see Macavity, but as Griddlebone's eyes settled on Bombalurina re-joining a group of four men her intentions changed.

From what she knew Bombalurina had a rather good taste in men and it seemed too interesting an opportunity to ignore. Griddlebone smoothed the sides of her dress slightly, despite there being no wrinkles, then strode over to the group headed by the redhead as confidently as she could.

"Griddlebone, allow me to introduce you to a few people. This is Victor, he is a violinist over at the Palace Theatre. This is Gus, you two probably know each other, I think Gus has been a part of every show going for the last thirty years, such a legend! This is Bill Bailey, you might have seen him on tour with Spamalot recently? Amazing production! And lastly we have-"

"I assure you darling there is really no need to introduce me to my ex-husband." Griddlebone spoke with as calm a tone as she could muster, the forced smile plastered across her face.

She hadn't been staring at him upon reaching the group, Griddlebone hadn't even noticed him at first as she'd been too interested in Bill Bailey. The man was half her age which meant the absolute perfect age. But she'd grown bored as Bombalurina had made her introductions, her attention had wandered and her eyes had locked with Growltiger's without her even realising.

Always one to remain composed, Griddlebone held her head high and regarded Growltiger with little disgust. "You look rather good for a man who's been dead fifteen years, Tiger."

Bombalurina could sense she'd done the wrong thing, the whole group had but there was little opportunity to leave. The tension between Griddlebone and Growltiger seemed to hold the group in place, each of them watching silently as Growltiger smiled and inclined his head in what looked to be a nod of agreement. Griddlebone had every right to her snide remarks, after all.

"You haven't changed a bit, you know? Who guessed you'd be this beautiful at forty-five?"

Griddlebone rolled her eyes at him, her arms folding across her chest. Growltiger knew this look of defiance, he'd missed it for fifteen years. He glanced at the group around them for a moment, then stepped forward to place a hand on Griddlebone's elbow.

"We should talk." He stated definitely.

Griddlebone scoffed, deliberately pulling her elbow away from his touch. He had some nerve doling out commands after she'd spent ten years believing he was laid dead at the bottom of the sea.

"Unfortunately you lost that privilege and I'm a busy woman, I hope the sea water inhabits your lungs next time. Much more efficient way to go, really." Without another word Griddlebone swept passed him, making a beeline for the nearest waiter serving alcohol.

She had grabbed a glass of champagne and was in the middle of a large gulp when Growltiger appeared beside her. Once again, Griddlebone rolled her eyes.

"How dare you," She hissed, keeping her voice low to avoid attracting the attention of those around her. Without an obvious set of witnesses Griddlebone saw no reason to be polite.

"How dare you come here to this, act like this is nothing _._ " She was seething, he could tell. Growltiger had been used to her anger, even with the time apart he still felt as though he could second guess her better than anyone in the room.

"You know what happened, Grid, I don't want to get into this."

Griddlebone fixed him with a glare. "Get into what?"

"Your spoiled, entitled she-witch shit. I know Admetus told you what happened, that I was alive. Don't pretend this is all some big shock."

He might as well have hit her, Griddlebone was sure it would have hurt less. To be dismissed by him now hurt more than it would have done when they'd been married, Griddlebone took another drink of champagne to quell the rage telling her to slap him in front of the entire room.

"I thought you were _dead_ for ten years, Tiger. I grieved for you, for our fucking marriage and you think because Mac told me a few years ago that you get off from this? How fucking dare you."

Their fights had been legendary, back and forth arguments followed by angry and hateful sex had kept each of them invested but none of that compared to the fight Griddlebone wanted to follow. Only this time it would end with her actually killing him and nailing the lid of a coffin shut, he didn't even deserve to stand within five feet of her.

"Bloody hell, Griddlebone. I shouldn't have to explain this to you after fifteen years, you're smarter than that."

His arrogance was so infuriating that Griddlebone had to angle herself away from him. She'd always been attracted to his demeanour but she'd been much younger then, she hadn't known much better but now she found him fairly irritating. He couldn't even muster up an apology despite being in the wrong.

"I won't speak to you when you're like this," Griddlebone decided, "In fact, I'd rather not speak to you at all. I liked you far better when you were dead, we should return to that state."

Once more that evening she stalked away, this time reaching the hallway and curtly brushing past a waiter carrying a new tray of champagne. She set her own glass down on the stairs mid-way through her journey then carried on to Macavity's evil lair, too enraged to consider whether going to him in this state was a good idea.

She practically threw the door open upon reaching his office and strode in with a huff, finding some immediate peace in just being out of Tiger's presence. She couldn't stand being in the same room as him, it caused too many conflicting emotions. None of which she wanted to process that evening without more alcohol.

"You're a prick, you know." She spat at Admetus, glaring at him as she headed straight for the cabinet that kept his most expensive alcohol.

Macavity was lounging behind his desk but he set his feet on the floor as she entered, propping himself up in an attempt to understand why his peace had been shattered. He was sitting in his suit, all that was missing was his tie but he wasn't too sure if he even wanted to wear it. Admetus ran a hand through his hair to ruffle it, dark red locks becoming more unruly than before, and raised an eyebrow interestedly at her.

"I thought you grew up with this socialite lifestyle? Strange you can't handle two hours in their company." He hummed snidely.

"I hope Demeter is fucking that writer, it's what you deserve!" Griddlebone took a gulp from the measure of whisky she had poured, "Why would you invite him here tonight? Do you know what tonight is, did he tell you?"

If he was angry about her dig at his beloved Macavity didn't let it show, instead he looked perplexed and a bit curious at her rant. Clearly he knew she was talking about Growltiger, but passed that it appeared Griddlebone had given him too much credit.

"I'm not going to ask Griddlebone so just spit it out." He responded curtly, sounding far more annoyed at her arrival than he appeared.

Griddlebone settled herself down in the middle of his couch and leaned her head back, ignoring him in favour of gathering her thoughts for a moment. Macavity liked to act as though she was an inconvenience to his life but she knew him better than that. If anyone else had walked in he'd have sent them straight back out again, but with her here he was allowing her time to process while he waited quietly. No doubt Demeter had rarely been gifted with this level of calm.

"He acted as though it was nothing, Mac. As though I ought to be grateful he allowed you to tell me, after I spent ten years of my life thinking I'd lost him. He has no idea what I went through."

Macavity rose while she spoke and crossed the room to take the empty glass from her, she didn't even flinch when he took it. Macavity wondered when he'd become so predictable. He grabbed a glass for himself as he poured her another measure, pondering what she expected him to say in response to all of this.

"Well this is all fascinating, completely worth taking time out of my life to listen to." He sunk down beside her with a sneer but quickly leaned away to avoid the arm she'd flung out to hit him with. When he deemed it safe, he leaned in to pass along her drink before sitting back comfortably. It seemed important he take a stance on the situation but for the moment he didn't have time to give it much consideration. Admetus frowned and decided she was now cut off as she drained another shot of whisky.

"Why couldn't he just be dead," Griddlebone muttered, leaning up to look over at Macavity. He didn't look sympathetic or even bothered by her distress but at least he was listening, it was more than she usually got out of him.

Macavity rolled his eyes, starting to lose interest as he was acutely aware of the fact he needed to head downstairs to join the event. He couldn't remain absent the entire night as someone would link it back to Demeter, then the whole guest list would wind up thinking the same.

"Did you expect something else from him?" He asked her, "He let his own wife believe he'd drowned, I'd say coming back and being an arsehole is exactly what you should have expected from him."

Macavity stood up and set both their glasses aside, then stared with a bored gaze down at her until Griddlebone frowned and rose to stand in front of him. She still looked frazzled, but his failure to buy into her petty ranting had seemed to calm her just a little.

"You're welcome to hide up here for the rest of the night, they'll all love that. Sitting here pining over someone who fucked you over when you were still in your twenties, I thought I could hold grudges but _jesus Christ_ -" Griddlebone took hold of his tie and jerked it so vigorously that he hissed, she merely smiled in response.

He fell silent to allow her to tie his tie, assuming his remarks had already made an impact on her. She drew the tie up to his neck tight enough to nearly choke him, then carefully reached up and adjusted it to a more acceptable angle.

"When you're like this I can't imagine why Demeter left you," She murmured sweetly, a trace of a wicked smirk ghosting over her face at the sign of his irritation. "Bombalurina is downstairs. She looks good enough to eat."

This caused him to smile, Griddlebone rarely saw this from him but she always felt vaguely satisfied when she does. Macavity is known for being intolerable and cold, she doesn't tell people he once broke the nose of a man that had slapped her arse in passing at a bar or that he works painfully hard at his craft and obsesses over the finest of details.

"Jemima is also downstairs, I want her cast as Ophelia. No exceptions." He countered. Admetus looked serious and Griddlebone was near to believing him when his eyes glinted devilishly. "But it would be rude not to say hello to Bombalurina, whatever dress she is wearing is going to look a lot better around her ankles."

He strode off before she could roll her eyes and as he left Griddlebone perched herself on the edge of his desk. His room was comforting somehow, she felt safe in there. Her feeling of calm only lasted close to forty seconds, as Growltiger strode into the room it was replaced with an intense distaste.

"I'm not chasing you around this entire place, Griddlebone." He snapped, slamming the door behind him.

This was the Growltiger she knew, all narrowed eyes and riddled with tension.

He'd undone the top three buttons on his shirt and untied his tie entirely, she was half expecting him to have rolled his sleeves up but apparently there was nowhere to leave the blazer. In thirteen years of knowing him she'd never once seen him in a suit, he'd claimed back then that suits were for court appearance and rich idiots only.

"The Siamese had a shit tonne on me, they said they were going to kill you. I wasn't planning on living through it, you know- obviously Grumbuskin had it planned better than I did. He got me out of the water."

Griddlebone was barely listening, he was barking loud enough to ensure she registered his words but explanations meant basically nothing at this point. Admetus had told her all of this. That Growltiger, despite having grown up with a grandfather involved in all types of hideous crime, had gotten in over his head with a gang called the Siamese and for once he hadn't been able to punch his way out of it. They'd have ruined him, have ruined her blossoming career in the process and neither of them would have wanted that. But he still could have come to her, left it a few months then returned to London to get her. He hadn't, of course, but apparently she was fixating too much on that fact.

"He should have dunked your head straight back in it would have saved us all a hard time." Cruelty was a defence mechanism she'd begun to discover during their first year or marriage, neither of them had been very good sticking to their vows and at twenty-one she hadn't been very well equipped.

Despite knowing the warning signs she was displaying, Growltiger approached her with little fear. He was met with a sharp crack to the side of his face, she'd hit him with a closed fist not an open one and as his cheek stung he couldn't work out whether he was more surprised or turned on.

She raised a hand to hit him again but he caught her wrist this time, fingers digging into her skin as hard as he could until she wrenched her arm away from him. Instead, she sat back further on the desk to put some distance between them and scoffed.

"I never should have married you, the chance of the news killing my mother wasn't nearly as worth it as I'd hoped." She stated dismissively, suddenly bored of arguing with him since she was in the right.

Her parents hadn't approved of him, obviously. Her father was a high ranking defence lawyer and her mother had, before succumbing to alcohol and gossiping, practised medicine. She and her brother had attended the best schools, had been gifted with Italian and French lessons from an early age not to mention the singing lessons that must have cost her parents thousands over the years.

Growltiger had been a prominent criminal when she'd met him, she'd just turned seventeen and at the time he was twenty-one which her parents wouldn't have minded save for the fact he stole and sold drugs for a living. He'd also been living a pirate's lifestyle, running around on a boat with a crew full of undesirables since he was too rebellious to settle anywhere on land. He'd still had his ear and eye back then, had lost those somewhere between their fourth and sixth year of marriage in some knife fight that had gone wrong. He grew his hair out enough to cover for his ear but the eye had taken some getting used to.

"That's a harrowing story, princess. Now do the one about daddy cutting you out of his will." He snarled at her and Griddlebone did something she hadn't expected. She spat at him.

Not quite the lady everyone assumed her to be.

"I was never half as bad as you claim I was, did I ever complain when we were married that I missed living that way? I never looked back when I left my parent's house to be with you."

He wiped the edge of his chin with the back of his arm but his eyes had softened somewhat, it was always easier to talk to her like this. If he'd learned at all over the years he'd have tried to respond with something sensitive but he'd learned nothing about women, or about how to win back the woman who had driven him crazy.

"You made me wait until I bought a ring before you said yes, it took d _ays_ Griddlebone. I felt like a fucking idiot."

Griddlebone smiled nastily at this admission, "Good, you looked like a fucking idiot too. Did you really think I was going to say yes to you without a ring? _In those conditions_?"

Now she was testing his patience once again, it was evident Growltiger remembered the proposal far better than she did. Before he could remind her of the event, she had slid down from the desk and slipped passed him. He watched her stalk off towards the door, too surprised by her sudden movement to follow her.

"You look like one now, Tiger. I never asked for this little reconciliation." Griddlebone opened the door and cast a look over her shoulder, "Perhaps instead of playing my-dick-is-the-biggest and acting as though I was in the wrong for missing my dead husband, you should do what you should have done back then. Fight for me."

She let the door swing behind her and Growltiger snarled, absolutely beside himself with anger at letting her get the last word. This hadn't been his intention for the evening, he hadn't even expected to feel so affected by seeing her again. Fifteen years was meant to have hardened him, proved to him that he'd been right to leave her to get on with her life.

Apparently all it had proved was how exhilarated she made him feel, or how badly he wanted to reach out and grab her until the ice queen in her melted away.

When he returned to the function downstairs he was surprised by what he saw. Macavity was not in the middle of seducing Bombalurina in a spiteful attempt to hurt his ex, instead he was standing in the midst of a group with Griddlebone at his side. She had her arm looped through his and he raised a drink upon seeing Growltiger across the room.

Macavity was the devil and yet he looked almost protective beside Griddlebone, the two of them looked to be a team despite Growltiger knowing Macavity liked to appear alone. Whatever the relationship between the two it was evident Growltiger wouldn't get another chance to speak to her while she was with Admetus, it wasn't a major issue merely an annoyance.

If Demeter turned up Admetus was sure to leave Griddlebone's side. Growltiger sauntered off into the crowd to look for one of the younger women in attendance, Cassandra. While Cassandra would quite rightly refuse if he insisted she coax Demeter out of hiding, Growltiger hoped Cassandra telling her about their interaction would be enough to make her curious.

With any luck Demeter would bring the playwright, that would really send sparks flying. Growltiger knew he couldn't be the only one looking for redemption.

* * *

AN/

Greetings! So... why I thought I could write Growltiger/Griddlebone I'll never know but the idea has been bugging me so here it is, admittedly everyone is a little OOC because Growltiger isn't a swashbuckling pirate but I hope I did a fair job at this.

I'd originally intended for Griddlebone and Macavity to have a strictly business relationship but it came out co-dependant and strange, turns out I like that concept a whole lot more.

There's perhaps another chapter, if anyone is interested (including my muse) but for now thanks for reading!


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